“[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary—it’s an act of infinite optimism.” —Gilda Radner
Motherhood hits me at an early age. I just graduated in college and landed on my first job when I got pregnant with my first child. I felt scared when I saw the two red lines on the pregnancy test. I was scared because I knew that the obligation that comes to this is hard, and we are not ready for that. We are not prepared to become parents. A lot of questions have been rounding up in my mind especially when it comes to mothering a child. Will I be a good mother? But how will I do that if I never experienced the love of a mother at all because I’m a product of a broken home? How can we support the child if both my husband ( which was my boyfriend then) and I didn’t have a decent job to support a family? Having all these questions in mind, we knew for a fact that we have to embrace the situation we are in this time, because as all they say, “A child is a blessing from God”. And true to His word, God provides whenever we need it. Truly, this baby was a blessing to us.
After we learned about the pregnancy, news came up that my husband got hired. He finally landed on his first job as a sailor after a year of job hunting. Unfortunately for me, I was not regularized by my employer when they found out about my situation. But it doesn’t matter at all, because as Alexander Graham Bell once said, “When one door closes, a window opens”. And that’s our case when my husband got his first job. My pregnancy brought a lot of positive turns for us. Though it was hard, especially for me, that he will be gone for almost a year because of his work, ( I badly needed his presence this time), we knew that we have to be strong for the baby and the family that we are going to start.
Before my husband left for abroad, we got married in a civil ceremony. We knew that this was the first right thing to do for the baby at that time. Then we rented a small apartment for me to stay temporarily while he’s gone.Then fast forward to the time that he was leaving, everything seems so hard for me because I knew that by the time he’s gone, I’m in this all alone. After I took him to the airport, I felt that I was gonna die of sadness. The sleepless night I cried and cried. That time, there was no email, social media, or anything that could make our communication line easy. The only thing that I can get news from him is through snail mail, which took months before it gets to me. Sometimes, he called me through their satellite phone on the ship, but the charge was so expensive and we cannot afford it. We need to cut-off our expenses because we need to save money for my delivery.
I knew that what I was going through is not healthy for the baby. So I had to compose myself and live every day just like any normal day. So I go on with my monthly check-ups with my OB-Gyne, making sure that the baby is healthy. And because I stayed in our apartment alone, I decided to live with my sister to alleviate my situation.
Then on the eve of May 14, 2003, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I’m overwhelmed with joy the moment I see her face. I forgot all the hardships and sacrifices I went through during my pregnancy when I held her in my arms. I knew that this was just the start of my journey of being a mother. With the nature of my husband’s work as a sailor, the responsibilities of both father and mother to our child will all be tasked on me. But it won’t matter at all because I knew that by the guidance of the Lord, everything will be alright.
Now, I am a mother of two. Though I have my flaws, I know that I am doing a great job in raising our kids, these of course with the help of my husband, who is not getting tired of providing us our needs and supporting me in whatever my heart desires.
And now that my kids are grown-ups, (I still attend to their needs though), I decided to do something good for myself. Something to uplift my self-worth after years of being a stayed-at-home mom, and I am hoping that it is not too late for me. I enrolled in this Virtual Assistance course online, hoping that I could gain my self-confidence back again. And I’m looking forward to something great that awaits me after this.