#motherhood, Uncategorized

The Beginning

There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart and mind of your child you are super mom.”

– Stephanie Precourt

During my teenage years, I never thought of having a family yet in the future especially, having a baby. But every art class wherein you are required to draw anything that comes to your mind, I always end up envisioning a small nipa hut house with 3 members of the family nearby a lake surrounded with flower, plants and trees. Simple Life! That’s how I interpreted my drawings. As time pass by and as I grow older, my view about life and love changed. Maybe because I’d been to failed relationships that I really don’t know if those were out of love or just me being swayed with the idea of having a boyfriend at that time.

I was a late bloomer actually. Had my 1st Bf at the age of 23. Hahaha. Today, teens already have their first relationship during elementary days. I went abroad leaving my boyfriend behind and end up breaking up with him and being single for a year. Those where the years also where I witnessed failed marriages of my sibling, cousins and friends. That’s where the thought of being single and having a child started to bloom in my head. Until I met a man where I had a relationship for a decade and end up to be the father of my daughter. Our relationship was not an ideal one. A lot of complications. He doesn’t want to agree with my thoughts of having a child with him. But in the end, when I already planned to stop what kind of relationship we have, that’s where he decided to give me a baby.

A lot of struggles happened. Since it was my request and idea to bear a child, I can say that I really started my journey being alone since day 1 till present. It was not an easy one. Emotionally, physically and mentally it’s always a difficult journey and there are times that you will thought ” Is it really the path that I really wanted to take?”.

my baby’s hands when she was a week old

I am an OFW (Overseas Foreign Worker). The only option I thought at that time as to leave my baby in Philippines to earn money and to give her a good future. I left her when she was 3 months old. It was very painful- really heartbreaking. The only consolation that I have is that its my parents and eldest sister is taking care of her. I also had a very family oriented company that let me visit my daughter 3 times a year to cover all the times that I am not with her. But every time I am leaving her, part of me is dying.

It was last year , when I decided to gave up my stable job and nice career overseas to be with her. My turning point was during the last night of my vacation, she literally cried all night and beg me to stay and to be with her. My heart was crushed that I can’t breath.

As a mother, will you choose money over your child’s greatest happiness?…Will you choose your luxury office over your child’s smile?…

from the heart of a single mother: jen roxas

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