OFW Dreamer Diary

Guess what, I become a believer of “I’ll go abroad to earn money

That was the time I’m seeing only my goal is to earn or let’s say money, but I did not realize the consequence to be far away from my family especially to my child. Although I know that working far from my child will be difficult. Now, the flight is dated. Passing day by day is like a normal day I don’t even feel that I am living my 6 months baby. (Yeah! 6 months old baby, could you imagine my breast is still full of milk.) Until the date came I’m so excited to go, I got the things, I gave goodbye kiss to my son and left. On my way, I don’t talk to my husband (he’s with me along the way) because if I open my mouth and speak my eyes will flow a river. I had a feeling that there is a bomb in my heart, any moment it is going to explode. I am very very sad, I felt the loneliness, regrets, pity for my child. Until I can’t hold my tears anymore. I cried, I cried a lot without saying anything that was the feeling that my heart wants to go back home but my desire keeps me moving.

Yey! Welcome to UAE, in my bed I cried for 2 days, and magically the feeling of loneliness is gone, thanks to my cousin. Though am still thinking of my child, a bit sad but I can manage. And then, I applied with different types of jobs, after a week I got hired. I started my job with zero knowledge but I did it, I survived! Whoops! 1 year later I have benefited from my company to go home for 1 month vacation. I brought chocolates and toys. The moment I arrived at home my parents did everything to make my son come to me and hug but he don’t like. My child knows me that I am his mother but I don’t know if he means it. My child is sleeping with my sister and I slept with them too. My child kissed my sister good night and sleep without doing anything to me. I felt bad and jealous, then I secretly cried. Day by day my child starts talking to me and play. But in the whole month I spent with my child he don’t show he’s sweetness to me but to my sister. Every time I felt jealous I can’t do anything I can’t force him. Now, wrap up things and time to go back to work. My child did not cry, maybe he still don’t know what is happening. Traveling is a bit easy though I cried but less than before. I still felt loneliness but less than before. The day is passing really fast. I arrived in UAE again, and I cried for a night only. Continue working and after a year it’s vacation time again, and again repeat chorus! What happens in the last I went home is also happens this time around. Well, the goal of earning money is there, I saved some but most are only paper receipt coz I already sent it home for the needs. I don’t know every time I feel like ‘okay time to save money, nothing to spend to’ and then emergency is coming. So instead of saving, it goes for the emergency but it’s okay. Good thing I am smart enough in terms of money, we bought a land and the house is ongoing construction it’s all from our savings. By the way, my husband is already is here in UAE we are both working.

After 4 years here in UAE, we’ve decided for me to go home to give more attention to my child, he’s about to go for schooling and I need to be there. But suddenly, God gave me a blessing, a second baby. She is in my tummy now. The sad part is I felt pity for my first baby coz I supposed to give my all attention to him that’s why I am going home but now how do I do that. I’m so stressed. And then pandemic came. It affects our job, I lose money because of no work no pay but the bill is there. It is very hard up to this moment. So then I realized why not I pursue the online world. Hearing working from home is sound so good. But it’s not easy like you buy a laptop and get a job. I need to learn and study hard how it works. So I did the first step “learning” until now I am still learning with all the things I need to know so when the time comes that I am ready, I will be sooner become a certified working from home mom, taking care my children and earning at the same time. Hitting two birds in one stone.

The lesson I have learned is abroad is not only the option to earn. If there is a will, there is a way.

Arlene Ilagan

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