My phone’s alarm clock is ringing again this morning. I turned it off and got out of bed, went to the bathroom for shower. I’m also preparing my 6 year old son for school before I leave for work. On my way to the office, there was heavy traffic due to a vehicular accident. I can see the faces of the passengers from the jeep being worried as all of us will surely arrive late to our offices. Checking the time of our watches repeatedly, some making sighs and others complaining about the heavy traffic of Metro Manila.
As I get off from the jeep, I run towards the location of our bio-metric hoping to reach at least the grace period for time in but I was one minute late and no matter how short or long, it’s still a late subject for company memo. I walked slowly disappointed for that one minute late as I approached my work station. I opened my computer, held a mirror wiping my sweat looking at my face, seeing myself for the same scenario for almost 8 years.
I’ve been with my corporate job for almost 8 years. I can say that I am lucky to have a good environment at work, I have a good manager and I’m okay with my office mates. There are work pressures, bad times and work problems but those are all part of any work. I started doing my daily routine, checking my daily reports, attending to phone and personal inquiries of our clients. Lunch time, I called the nanny of my two kids and checked on them. I talked to my eldest son, asking how he performed for the school activity and being sorry that I was not able to see his performance. Got home from work, my kids were already sleeping and as I watched them I realized that this should not be the scenario for another 8 years.
I am in a mom guilt moment that time. I was in a struggle wanting to be a full time mom but needs the work I have to sustain the needs of my family. It was an awful feeling that every working mom has been going through once in a while. I was down for a moment but I pulled myself back realizing that being guilty was a wasted energy and will only attract negativity. I may not be the best mom but as I continue to work hard for my children, I am already a good mother and that was my motivation to get up for another day.
I maybe in the same phase or struggle at this moment but I am not giving up. I will learn more soon so I can have a good work balance and have more time with my children. As long as I love my children and I continue to do my best for them there is nothing to be guilty of, I am good and I am enough.
Mary Jane Sedurifa-Lazaro