For every struggle, tear & hard work, this will forever remind me that True Love is a Sacrifice.
Four years ago, I gave birth to my first child, Leory Matthew.
What a wonderful and priceless blessing from up above as I look at my reflection, only in its little form. “I love you”, I said. “And I always will”.
I have always thought of breastfeeding my child.
Looks pretty easy, but it was not as easy as it seemed to be.
Our first day of this journey is a struggle. Same as with my second, third, fourth and more days passed. My little one doesn’t seem to know yet how to latch properly to help my milk come out on its own. Plus, an inverted nipple is another jeopardy. While I also don’t have anybody to support me. No family. No husband. No household help. Just me.
“Why can’t we do it just the way we watched it on video tutorials? Why can’t we do it right the first time? Why don’t you just nurse and sleep? Why do you always have to cry? There are so many WHY’s. No matter how hard we try, we just couldn’t do it like how others did. I am already depressed and exhausted. Could this be part of postpartum depression? Well, I don’t know.
Then I decided to give him formula milk on his first day. He’s starving and I’m a first time mom who can’t afford to see my child crying to death. As much as I love to give him the best nourishment I can, it just didn’t work out well.
To help me ease some boob pain, I have to pump the milk out of it. Good thing at least we can do mix feeding which somehow helps to give him strong immunity. But still, every day I try to offer my boob to let him latch but didn’t make any success.
My friend once told me to try using a nipple puller to help me out with my inverted nipple. Sad to say, It didn’t work. Then a breast pump, it didn’t work too. Then I tried a nipple shield. YEY! He is latching. It’s working. Been using the nipple shield for few days but most of the time he’s bothered with it. Also, it added work for me since I have to wash and sterilize every after use. Imagine how frequent a baby latches to their mom. I am starting to feel more depressed each day. And starting to regret the new chapter of my life.
I want to breastfeed my child. I have to. I need to. I know I have to be more patient and committed to doing so. I want my child to be strong and healthy as I knew the benefits he’ll get out of it.
Every day I pray to God to help me with my struggles. To help me with my breastfeeding journey.
Then, that same day, exactly a month from the day my son was born, like the usual routine, I offered him my boob covered with a nipple shield, he’s latching, then unlatched, then latched again, unlatched, then cry and cry and cry. I too have been crying the whole time. Right then, I said, “alright I am giving up!” while I removed the nipple shield, and offer him just my boob. I’m done. We are using formula milk for good. To my surprised, he latches my boob and keeps nursing without crying. He’s doing it for a while until he gets to sleep. My tears didn’t stop falling because I knew God answered my prayer just right on time. Since then, my little one nurse directly to me. Without anything. Yes, nothing on it. Thank God. Praise God. I have not asked anything special to God since I already feel blessed for everything but this.
And to remind me of my beautiful breastfeeding journey, I had a keepsake of my breast milk in a locket. I can say that I am proud that this liquid gold- breast milk is made of love, tears, and hard work.
Breastfeeding requires a lot of prayer, patience, effort, and commitment.
Breast milk is a love turned into food, the most precious gift I can ever give my children.
Written by: Mary Rose D. Asuncion