What I have learned so far in my 8 months of being married

My husband and I got married last year. It was a double celebration for us as it was also the 700th day since we became a couple. We do not usually celebrate monthsaries, like some couples our age do. We wanted to be able to celebrate every milestone of being together so celebrating every 100th day was kind of reasonable for both of us as we were both living busy adult lives: dealing with our own personal and family matters, working, volunteering on church activities, meeting with other people and the list goes on.

I’d like to think that I have somehow matured through our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, though I admit that sometimes I would request for more quality time with him especially when do not see each other that much because of work. We love being with each other. We would never run out of topics to talk about. I love learning from him since he knows a lot of things. I would ask him about a certain subject, and he would always have some knowledge about it. It was actually one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. He is smart, yet remains humble. He is patient and kind. He is passionate about learning and teaching. He values and provides for his family. He is committed in leading people to knowing Christ and is genuinely a godly man.

He is everything I wanted in a man. God, in His grace, blessed me with the man of my dreams despite my being flawed.

I’ve been learning more things since we got married. From learning how to cook, occasionally washing his baggy clothes, dealing with a messy house, finding the courage to catch a mouse, knowing more about each other’s interests and principles, understanding each other’s reason for responding in a certain way, learning how to manage our anger when we have a fight, it’s a crazy yet wonderful season of adjustment for both of us. We may argue a lot, still I would choose to learn with him, to grow with him, to fight with him, and spend the rest of my life with him.

We are journeying this married life by doing weekly couple devotions together. We recognize that marriage is God’s will and desire for both of us, and we want to be able to use our marriage for His honor and glory.

Through our devotional, I’ve learned and have been reminded of the following things so far:

  1. I need to be reminded always to treat my husband with love and respect because he is a son of God, whose life was entrusted to be cared and nurtured by me. In our difficult times, when I cannot understand him, or all I can see are his flaws, I need to remember that Jesus also has forgiven a flawed and unworthy person like me and I need to extend that same love and forgiveness to him.
  2. The most important person in my life, next to God, is my husband. I ought to love my husband even if others mock me for being devoted to him in a way that nobody understands. If I am good at doing something, I must be better in knowing and loving my husband.
  3. God is the only One who can satisfy my greatest need. My husband, no matter how much he loves me, may fall short of satisfying my need to feel loved at all times. He, at some point (or many times), will fail and disappoint me, especially if I put so much expectations from him. When I continue to seek God, and be filled by His love, mercy, grace and kindness continuously, I will be able to extend it to my husband, and I will see him less as someone whom I need to receive more love from, but more as someone whom I want and need to give more love to.
  4. I am ought to love mercy, not just practice it, not just try to demonstrate it, but to genuinely love it that it will compel me to show it the soonest I can when my husband offends me. If I aim to show Christlikeness at all times, then I, too, must learn how to love giving mercy as Jesus does.
  5. I can show my love for my husband when I am away or when he is not around by taking care and protecting myself; updating him on my whereabouts and the people whom I talk to; asking him how is he doing; being faithful to him; being honest with him; thinking of how he would feel when I do a certain thing. I learned that I should love my husband sacrificially, patiently and faithfully; to stay loving and committed to him; and to strive to grow and mature in my relationship with him and God.
  6. I need to practice thoughtfulness and humility in my marriage, to not just focus on myself but to consider also how my husband would feel when I make decisions.
  7. I learned not to blame and judge my husband when things are messy because, as one unit, we are now both responsible for those things. I need to remember that my husband also needs to rest after a tiring commute from work.

I think, by far, the best marriage advice I have received when we have fights is to not see our conflict as, “me against my spouse.” I should think of my spouse as my “teammate,” thus, it will be “me and my spouse against the issue.” When we see each other as teammates and not as enemies, we will become better in handling our fights, always aiming for compromise and reconciliation.

There are still many lessons to learn, and much more character-building to come. I’m glad that God has given me a husband who is committed to loving me no matter how complicated of a person I still am. When I look at my husband, I remember the goodness of God. Despite my failures and shortcomings, He still blesses me. How gracious is our God!

Photos by Ivy Palomares Photography

Written by:
Maureen Crisologo-Nunga

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