“After every storm comes a rainbow” —a sentiment that couldn’t be more true for parents welcoming an infant after experiencing a loss.
A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage or infant loss. It’s a reference to the beautiful, light-filled rainbow that appears after the darkness of a storm. In my case, I had two miscarriages back-to-back in just one year. And here’s my story..
The only job I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom. My biggest fear in life was that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant or would have a hard time becoming pregnant. Sadly, my greatest fear hits hard on me.
March of 2017, we lost our first baby at twelve weeks and were devastated. Then November of the same year it happened again, fifteen weeks this time. I started doubting myself and even though my doctor keeps on comforting me that nothing I did cause the miscarriage and I couldn’t have prevented it, still it breaks me down to pieces. The months following my miscarriages were hard. I cried a lot and felt like my dreams of becoming of mother would never come true. What did I do wrong? Could it have been prevented? Why me?
All those unanswered questions.. My husband, and I gave ourselves some time to heal and eventually decided to try again. I was so afraid it wouldn’t happen or something would go wrong again. Then, after a few months of trying and countless prayers, I found myself taking a home pregnancy test once again. There were those beautiful pink lines—it was positive once again! Fear crossed my mind but my faith is stronger.
The day of my first ultrasound was nerve-wracking. But thankfully, my husband was there to hold my hand and reassure me we were in this together. My doctor came in and the next thing I knew we were listening to the sweetest, most beautiful sound I have ever heard. My baby had a heartbeat! Tears of joy filled our eyes. My husband and I were both emotional and ecstatic! In the months to follow we learned we were having a boy. My beautiful Adriel David. My little fighter. I have never felt happier and more in love than I did the day my son was born. My whole world changed that day, just as it did the day I suffered a miscarriage.
I thank God every day for blessing me with such a beautiful, healthy, sweet and loving baby boy. And I also believe everything happens for a reason just keep your faith. Without the rain, there would never be rainbows.
And to you Anak, you are the surprise of my life. You are everything my heart wanted and my soul needed. The second I saw you, I knew my family was complete. And you continue to heal old wounds that scarred me inside and out. Remember that I am so grateful that I have you. Your curly hair, that contagious smile, feisty personality, and your constant curiosity. You always blow me away. Daddy and I loves you so much!!!!