I can hear you, but I don’t want to listen. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to move. I’m tired. Drained. Everything about me is tired. I just want to lay down. I just want to be with myself. Be alone. Peace and quiet. By myself. I don’t want to hear anything. Just a quiet place to ease my mind, body and soul.
I don’t want to think of anything else. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to stand, I don’t want to talk. I just want to lay down. It’s so tiring. Everything about me is tiring. I don’t know. I feel like I’m floating. My mind is floating. I can’t even think properly. I don’t know what to do. I’m just so tired of everything.
Can I just stop? I want to stop. Can I just go far away? Away from everyone else. Away from this craziness. Away from this crowded feeling. I want to go away. I want to feel selfless, I want to feel myself. I want to go away. But can I go away? Far far away. I need to be my old self, my happy joyful self. My carefree type of person. I want to break free. I want to let my feelings out. I want to be mad. I want to shout. I want to go far. But I can’t. I have a lot on my plate. I’m so tired. I’m tired about everything.
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you”
But am I being selfish to think and feel this way? Am I just thinking about myself and nobody else? Everything needs to be okay. I need to be okay. Someone needs me. She needs me. She looks up to me, and she see that I’m the best in everything. That I’m perfect in her eyes. That I’m the most beautiful person in the world aside from her and that nobody will ever be the best for her except me. She needs me more than anything in the world. She sees me as if I can do anything and everything in the world. She needs me.
I can never be lonely whenever she’s with me. I need to be strong, jolly, funny. She is my daughter. I’m her everything, she is my everything. There’s nothing in the world that I cannot do for her. I need to be strong for her. Whenever she’s sad, mommy is there to hold her, whenever she’s scared mommy is there to hug her. Whenever she’s happy, mommy is there to laugh with her. Whenever she accomplished something, mommy is there to cheer for her.
That’s why everything that I’m feeling right now I know I can surpass it because of Her. Because I have her. Because of her I am trying my best to be a good example for her. To be a good mom. I want her to be herself and be confident in anything. I want her to know that I lover her so much. I want her to be happy and just enjoy life while she’s still little.
Written By: Christine Elopre