2 red lines…

I was 30, single, sitting in the toilet, looking and holding that little thing that would change my life forever. A lot of thoughts were running over my head. “What will you tell your mom?”, “Are you really ready for this?”, “Remember you’re single?”, “How can you let this happen?”.

You see, almost a decade ago on my 25th birthday, a young fine man was kneeling in front of me with a diamond ring on his hand. “Will you marry me?”, his trembling voice blurted out while our family and friends patiently waited for my answer. I said yes, of course. I’ve spent half of my life with this man. Growing old with him, spending college life together, making memories for 7 years. How the hell can I say no?

A year and a half into the engagement, I was thinking, why are we doing this? Was it because both of our families and friends expected us to get married? It was the “best next” thing to do since we’ve already spent 7 years together. It was the most logical thing to do, right? But why was I feeling weird. Why does it feel like it wasn’t’ right? I was already being distant, asking for space and wanting to do things by myself, without him. He obliged. No phone calls, no text messages. He was giving me the freedom that I wanted and I was enjoying it. Until I decided to finally talk to him. The engagement has been called off. The wedding was no longer pushing through. I gave him back the ring, said I’m sorry, closed the car door and walked away.

The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy — it’s all that matters.

– Audrey hepburn

My daughter is now 6 years old. Bubbly, full of life, always smiling and never fails to tell me how much she loves me. Her father (not my ex-fiance by the way) only met her once but I’m ok with that. If anything, I’m even thankful for him for giving me the best daughter a mom could ever ask for. She was the greatest gift I have ever received and would do things all over again for her.

Making decisions will always be part of the journey. A lot of times, we encounter life’s crossroads and are left to decide on something that will probably have an effect for the rest of our lives. If we make mistakes, it’s up to us how we go through it and be a better person moving forward. In this, we learn how to be brave to face the consequences of our decisions. We suck it up, find a way to redeem ourselves and hopefully make better decisions in the future.

Written by: Jane Destura

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