A way to Motherhood

I named him Bobby. My eight months old Puspin tomcat. He may not have the best feature of a feline neither liked a prized pet you could bought at store. But he stole my heart out like a mother who sees good in every child. He is sweet, active and playful; a hyperactive cat who sniff and snap every time he gets a chance. Loved to cuddle and pet. And don’t forget those long endless sleep on a couch that invites a belly rub.

I found him with his sibling on our front yard, a litter from a feral cat. They are sleeping on a cold pavement and literally no source of food. Seeing them in that situation broke my heart, so I offered them my used rag and some food for their mama’s nourishment. Unfortunately, their mother did not returned, leaving a one month old kittens behind. Out of mercy, I kept them to survived, his sibling does not able to make it so I had no option but to adopt him. Had to welcomed him on our home for he is not safe outside considering his young age and fragile status.

I bought him home and took care of him and in return he gave me companionship, a good laugh and source of joy. I fed him, gave him toys and good place to slept. I make sure he is always safe and comfortable. A routine that a mother could do to her child and fills the void in my heart. Without knowing that he makes me fulfill the role of a Mom. A role that I am craving for.

Being the breadwinner in a family is the reason why I married late. It is not easy to be a sole income earner of the family. It is a tough one, you had to act as your parents co-maker. I am not born with silver spoon, on a contrary, I was born in a family who could barely meet both ends. After high school I was obliged to work and helped with my parents with their financial needs. Four years later, I’d got qualified for a college scholarship. Through it I was able to study and finish my college degree. I was able to work in a stable company but still the burden of being an eldest takes a toll in me. My parent’s incapacity to sustain the family need pushed me more to be their provider. And actually it is okay for me, I always wanted to help them but it burned me out and have no choice but to help them. Sometimes helping others can be too tiring but I can’t bear to see them suffering. I had not noticed the time and space I rendered to my family giving my all to them that I almost forgot myself.

Luckily in year 2015, I meet the man of my dream. I had not seen it coming and I myself was surprised. I never thought that I could still be in love at forty. We decided to settled down the next year it was June 16, 2016. On high hopes of finally having a family thrilled me. I am excited for a bundle of joy that would come as a culmination of our marriage. But those anticipated moments never came till this date. After a years of trying, months of running to clinic and days of doctors appointment; I gave up. I guess I am not meant to be a parent and afraid that I will never be. Guess my ovaries got expired though. My husband neither bothered and always assured me that things are alright I never lose hope nor expect. Only God knows when will he gonna bestow His blessing upon us. And whatever His plan is…be it according to His will. After all, we are still the same happy and contended couple who marched at the altar three years ago.

I now know why this feral kitten came into our life. Having my fur baby Bobby at our home makes us a family. He is our baby and he really act as one! He is like a child who is dependent, careless and full of energy. I know it may sound absurd and only animal lover can relate. But he made it easy on us, specially me who craved for a child. I forgot that longing for he fills the empty space in my heart. Because with him I can be a Mama, a Mommy and a Mother . Yes, I am proud to be his Cat Mama and he literally teaches me a way to motherhood.

Little souls find their way to you, whether they’re from your womb or someone else’s

– Sheryl Crow –

Roselyn S. Ballesteros – Blogger

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