My Struggles before I became a Mother.

Hi everyone! My name is Arian and I wanna share to you my journey when I was growing up. It’s a long story and I know there are many others who had this experience too. It is my first time to write a blog and I didn’t know what to write, so the first thing that came into my mind is to write the story of my life as I grew up. So here it goes!

We are 5 siblings and I am the 3rd from the eldest, our father left us when I was just 7 years old and decided to be with that woman for over 2 decades. He left us with nothing, and imagine that we are 5 siblings? I can’t imagine my life way back then, that we can’t be able to go to school and how are we going to get some money to provide for our food. I remember during my high school days even for my projects at school I don’t know where to get, because my mother had nothing, and I also have 3 other siblings to another father where my other siblings was in my aunt. So basically I am the one who face more trials than my siblings.

When I graduated in highschool. I tried to enroll to college but, I didn’t finished due to financial worries. I needed to stop right there and then and think about my future, our future that we faced. So I leave, and find a job in Manila. I stayed in the house of my aunt and find a lot of job that is fit for my age. That was the time that I worked as a Receptionist for almost 3 years and year 2010, I worked in Taiwan for 2 years and back to manila to find another job. During those times I met my family’s needs that my father had run away with. I became more mature at a very young age and there’s many questions in my mind have not been answered. my heart was filled with anger and pain. but I’m always longing for a father which I have never felt all my life .

2013 I got a Job offer in a cruise ship as a Receptionist. I just can’t believe that time, I thought it was just a dream. It’s a blessings indeed. because he gave me the best year of my life. I was able to travel to another country that I never thought I could come to, I fulfill my dreams. I have many plans for my family specially to my mother. I just think that what I am doing is for my family. All of my experiences have strengthened me through out my whole life.

Then came the end of my contract. I learned that I was pregnant. I felt like all my plans and my dreams we’re shattered into pieces, that I wish I had done more, for my mother and my other siblings. I wanted to buy a new house, to earn more. But maybe, It’s a God’s plan and it’s a gift. Because he know’s that from an early age, I encountered a lot of roadblocks in life, and now he gave me the most wonderful gifts I’ve ever had. My husband and my daughter.

Fast forward to Now.. I have a 5 years old daughter and we’ve been together for 7 years. And my husband still work as a seaferer. The’y say, ” Loving someone is not easy, especially now that we are in a long distance relationships… sometimes it’s extremely hard; but it’s amazing and comforting and one of the best things you’ll ever experience. We just have to trust Him, whatever the circumsances maybe.

Just like all other mom I don’t want to experience my daughter what I was going through when I was growing up, with no father to guide me and watch over their children growing up without having to leave for work .

Then came May this year 2019. My father died suddenly. I don’t know how would I feel at that time because for so long we couldn’t feel him as our father. everything I went through seemed to come back. Then, it suddenly came up that I didn’t feel anything. if he’s gone okay then, because it’s been a while since he’s gone in our lives. But,

I still came home to the province to see him on the last day. I let go of all my resentment. all of my heartaches that I carried all my life and why we’ve met on his last day in the world, nor didn’t we hear his answers to our questions on why he choose that woman over us his childrens. After all my What If’s and Why’s on that day make me feel better. Though we never heard him regret his actions I know that in my heart, God already answered me.

Now that I am a Mother..

Maybe if I can go back to my past. I think that I would not been as strong as I am today, if it wasn’t in all that I wen’t through. All my learnings in life and my deepest Why’s.. It wasn’t an easy journey for me being alone. But all that I have been missed in life as a growing child. I will not definitely give it to my daughter, the life I have never experienced before. I will always with her, to guide her, to love her and support whatever she want’s to do in her life.

As a Full time mother, I am looking forward that day to find a job that I didn’t need to leave my child. I wanted to be with her side always. I know in God’s perfect plan I will be able to achieve all of that.

“We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.”

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