This Unbearable Pain

it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul
, and they never notice how broken you really are.” -Robin Williams

I don’t know how to start my blog with because this is my first time and it took me days to think what will I share. Until I decided to share the struggle or depression I had experienced.

For the last few months ago, I had experienced / suffered from depression caused by my partner(betrayal). I trust him much, but that trust was broken into pieces and don’t know when it will be back again. Its very hard having a situation like that, I was like crazy. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin.Hindi ko alam kung paano ang pagtanggap,kung paano ang magpatawad at kung paano ang magmove on. Being stressed sabay ng post partum depression ko, kung ano-ano pumapasok isipan ko, sinisisi ko sarili ko din if WHAT/WHY did that happen in my life. And worst is I question God, if, why and what I did to let me suffered this kind of struggle in life. Don’t know what to do if I pursue my life with him despite of what happen.

After a month, I decided to have a vacation away from him to set my mind and figure out everything. Right now I am living in a body that trying to survive. But I am always a fighter, trying very hard to be strong enough to face this world for my two children. I don’t want them to see me weak and struggling because I don’t want them to suffer.

Life is so hard, but we have to fight and stand still, no matter what. Sometimes we need to be broken to be blessed! In times of brokenness may we find the beauty in it. It is the time where we find comfort from God, seek help from God, even we have not acknowledged Him before. For it is Him we need most.

-Emilou P. Padilla-

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