You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:16
I grew up in a family where life is abundant, everything we need and wanted was handed to us. However, I feel incomplete because while I was growing my relationship with my stepdad was not good. So I longed for a fatherly love. The emptiness that I have in my heart made me feel alone and to cover that emptiness in my heart I seek love through my friends and material things.
Little did I know in 2010, our lives will have a drastic change. My stepdad binge into casinos and wiped out everything we have. I was mad at God. Why now? Why all we have will be gone? So this problem made me rebellious and seek happiness through relationship with guys. I’m thinking that If I have a partner I will be complete.
So I met a guy whom I taught will be my forever partner. In 2013, unexpected pregnancy came to me and gave birth to a wonderful blessing “my Caeli” I was so happy that my dream is finally happening. That happiness came to an end easily, after a year he left us behind and I was broken. My world was shattered because of pain, fear of how will I raise my daughter as I left my job just to follow what my partner wants but left us. I don’t know what to do, at first I didn’t tell my family about it. Again, I questioned God for all these problems.
Then one of my friends invited me to go with her at CCF Pasig. I felt so sad that time and I said yes without hesitations as I was broken hearted. This time instead of questioning God I cried for help and that moment I admit that I can’t do anything without Him. After all the mistakes I’ve done I felt His love and heard him saying I am waiting for you and I love you. I continued going to church and also introduce CCF to my family.
On March 26, 2016 I attended true life at CCF Alabang and I fully surrendered my life to God. I fully understood the true meaning of the gospel and His sacrifices for all of us. All the fears and pain was replaced by love and peace. I joined discipleship group and thank God for giving me a loving discipler. Through dgroup my life was changed. I feel so blessed to have sisters in Christ who supports and prays for me.
Now I realized that the best gift I have received is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Despite material wealth was gone, my former partner was gone but our God is with me. He will never be gone and that what matters most. He also restored my relationship with my stepdad after how many years of prayers. God really hear our prayers and I can’t enumerate all the answered prayers He have given to me even if I don’t deserve it.
I’m still in awe after the prayer and fasting last July 2019. God gave me the inner peace despite of all the problems this world has to offer. The forgiveness that God has offered me is what I value the most so I learned to forgive myself and those who hurt me. I am still a work in progress but through Philippians 1:6 says I am certain that God, who began the good work with you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
I am Rai Abe once was lost but now a follower of Christ, once was dependent on men but now only dependent on God. Firmly believes commit to the Lord whatever you do and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3
To God be all the glory!