I Dislike Being A Housewife: My Struggle With Being Financially Dependent On My Spouse

 “Just  A  Housewife!”

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The word to describe “a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework” is “sometimes offensive”.

Many women dislike the word “housewife” because of implications of feminism and the stigma of gendered domestic roles. I dislike the word “housewife” because I am one and the role is oftentimes undervalued.

Like any other housewife, I get shit done! However, I still find myself attempting justification of my housewife role to others. More importantly, the biggest challenge I’ve faced is justifying that role to myself. Why I dislike being a housewife and why I’ve struggled to justify this role to myself is complex but at the core is a very simple explanation: I can’t handle being financially dependent on my husband.

My husband knows that I struggle with this. He attempts to make me comfortable with the situation by reminding me that I contribute greatly to him and to our household. I always remind myself that I will help in ways that make his life more comfortable and convenient. But the thought of being financially dependent to my husband is a pain to my ass.

 I am not offsetting many expenses but rather I am an expense. I do not feel like a provider. I feel like the line item on my husband’s budget so that he can provide to himself, our son, our animals, and our home in order to relax and not have to do it himself. I am “earning my keep” and that makes me feel like a financial burden. Because of this feeling, I have yet to ask my husband for money when I need it; I just wait for him to offer and begrudgingly accept it.

My husband is not to blame for this; he even tries to mitigate the situation. It’s all in my head. But I can’t be the only who feels like this. Whether you prefer the term “housewife”,” “homemaker,” or another term entirely, how do you deal with the discomfort of financial dependency on a spouse?

 

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